I am lonely… and will try to convey the ways I represent that in my writing and to myself. No, this is not solely referring to the kind of loneliness that has one searching the internet for free porn at odd hours of the day.

It is the the loneliness that has you adrift at sea. The loneliness that weighs you down in the abyss. The loneliness that strips you of your form, becoming a shadow on the wall; a thing that others merely glance over as they search for something they deem worthy of acknowledgement.

For context, this post was originally intended to be finished and made live last week. On my birthday. But, in typing, connections were made to other posts that I’ll finish at a later date. So, I became wrapped up in starting those while the will to was fresh. In order to have these released in a somewhat timely manner, it’s been broken up into three parts. The first being…

Adrift at sea

Imagine being in an endless sea. For the moment, the waves are calm. Hands cling to a piece of floating debris. You are alone. Nothing is in sight to urge you to swim towards. So, you just drift.

Eventually, someone comes into view, revealed by a lowering wave. You begin to swim towards them, calling out as you go. Nearing them, you can tell they’ve been swimming for a while. They take notice, and seem surprised by your enthusiasm.

When you’re both together, introductions are made. Your individual pieces of debris overlap, lending support to both. For a time you are together.

A moment comes when they decide to leave. They push away as waves rise up between you. You watch them drift until they are out of sight. And, you are alone again.

Some time passes; clouds build over head. Not long after it begins to rain, do you hear voices just out of sight. Afraid to face this storm alone, you desperately swim on.

Cresting a swelling wave, you catch a glimpse of two, four, five people gathered together. You call out for help as your body begins to tighten from the strain. Fearing they may ignore you, you force your legs and arms to go on. Pummeled by a breaking wave, you think it the end that awaits beneath.

Hands pull you up and drag you in close. Hardly a word is spoken between you and the group. But, they have lent you their support. It is how all of you ride out the storm.

Once it breaks and the sky clears way to a proud sun, introductions are made. After some time, though, the group separates. Two go off on their own, and two leave as a pair. Only you and one other remain. You’d think they would want to leave too, but you find yourselves drifting together.

This time is different. You are no longer alone.

That’s one happy scenario. But, seeing it play out multiple times and to different ends, does not take away the setting of being adrift at sea.

Perhaps these two stay together. Perhaps they even find a rare island that provides a reprieve from the sea. A life together built on this island. But, suppose eventually one chooses to leave. And, the other cannot bare remaining there. So, they too journey back out to sea. Because, it is at sea that they have the chance of meeting someone else.

Pulling back the perspective, you’d notice more and more people come into view. They are separated from one another by mere waves.

I feel supported when I have others. But, often this is fleeting. People come and go in our lives. The time we have together is meaningful, but when they drift away, the pain of being alone again, being left again… is overwhelming.

Endnote

There is more to say on this representation of my loneliness. But, I’d rather incorporate that into future stories. For now, this is enough, I think. Hopefully a week from now, On: Loneliness, The Abyss will be posted (fingers crossed).

Till next time.